Coming out of the trance of overresponsibility

When I remember that the threat of superintelligence is not my fault, and it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me or that I’m not trying hard enough, I can breathe again.

I think overresponsibility explains a lot of bitter and hateful attitudes towards the world's problems. People are defensive about problems they don't have anything to do with because they feel like they should have a solution. People are hateful toward victims because otherwise they can't bear to think of their pain. When people can't deal with the way external events make them feel about themselves, they mix up their personal reactions and coping behaviors with what actually needs to be done.

—

Overresponsibility: sometimes it isn't your problem

I often forget this. It’s easy to feel sometimes like saving the world is my job and therefore in my grasp if I just hold tighter. I feel angry at myself for not being able to do more or make more people see they should not be literally building superintelligence because of the overresponsible belief that I should be able to. It feels like compassion and duty but it’s actually a delusion of omnipotence.

Overresponsibility is seductive because it promises that victory is achievable. It dangles a finish line in front of you that’s always just out of reach, and every day when you don’t reach it, overresponsibility tells you it was your failure. But the real work is not a sprint to the end. It’s a walk that never truly ends even when you win one battle or war. It’s not about clenching and holding your breath until you’re done. It’s about seeing the world for everything that it is, all the precious good and all the anguishing suffering and waste, and not turning away.

Lots of people have to do right to save the world, and it’s still not guaranteed. All any of us can do is the next right action. On the deepest level, I act not because I have to or to get a medal on the other side of a finish line, but because I want to. I want to shield the innocent people who don’t know what danger they are in, even though it’s not fair and there’s no one keeping score or telling you you’ve done your part. Even though the work will never be done.

When I fall into the trap that I’m “supposed to” be able to solve the problem, or it shouldn’t be so hard, or that others should acknowledge my contribution, I can’t relax and inhabit what I’m doing and why. But when I remember that the threat of superintelligence is not my fault, and it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me or that I’m not trying hard enough, I can breathe again. Usually I cry and grieve that the situation is beyond my control, that every child and puppy and all my enemies I’m trying to save despite themselves could die in terror even if I do my absolute best.

The feeling of helplessness is momentarily excruciating, like I’m giving up my chance to keep everyone safe. But just a few minutes later, it’s so obvious I never had control of everyone’s fate. Not even the bad guys trying to grow and command a god have that— in fact their delusion on this count is a big part of the problem!

Then I feel a sense of peace about continuing to walk the path of what I can do calmly. And with satisfaction, because I don’t feel required-to-be-omnipotent-but-secretly-inadequate— I am expressing exactly who and what I am in doing what I can to protect the beings of the world. The tragedy is not in me, as much I sometimes wish it were.