Real kindness

Sometimes I think being “mean” is just not being able to foot the bill for feelings that aren’t about me.

It bothers me that a lot of what people like about another person’s character is basically wealth. “Kindness” often means “giving a lot of emotional labor” or emotional services like “making me feel good about myself”.

Often I’m expected to pay all of the emotional costs the other person feels when I point out that they are part of something really bad by building AI. I’m supposed to cushion the blow, tell them it’s not their fault, make it really easy for them to change, congratulate them ad nauseum, not make anyone else feel bad in a way that might trigger their own personal fault, etc. I am supposed to pay for all of this when they are the ones putting others in danger. If I don’t, others will try to punish me by saying they’ll turn against the cause of PauseAI because I made them feel bad. And they’ll say that retaliation and closing their ears to an important claim are all okay because I’m “mean”.

Being “mean” here is just not being able to foot the bill for their feelings. This is a cheap notion of kindness, like telling a child they are “good” for being easy for the parent. Surely kindness means more than being convenient or handing out favors?

Real kindness means caring about the welfare of others. And that is not the same as being polite or pleasant. Sometimes it means being brave. It usually means being spread pretty thin across the people that need help or protection. Don’t let real kindness be priced out of the market.